Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Start of another wacky cycle...

So I am currently on CD 12 of this cycle and I have been temping on Fertility Friend. As of yesterday i had a huge dip in my temps and then a small increase this morning. I, also, had an almost positive OPK!!! Then a blaring positive OPK in the evening yesterday... SO we shall see if FF gives me an ovulation date.

Well I have been waiting on the Chamber of Commerce to call me back and tell me when my "official" start date is... I just hope it is soon!!

On a happy note, Matty is loving his job at Hotel Seville. I really would not be surprised if he drops his accounting program and goes to culinary school... it would be amazing!! Right now our desire for a child is so big that we really do not think about thing but it!! I feel as if the flame in our relationship is going out... and i want it back!!! He is a great man BUT he is just not all that affectionate at times. He is so sweet and loves me, I DO NOT question that, BUT i just wish that sometimes he would just take me in his arms and hold me. I have a really hard time sometimes because it is my bodies fault that we are not pregnant. IF WE DID NOT HAVE SUCH A DEADLINE.. we would prolly be waiting a few years to even try. IT SUCKS!!

Well, the only thing that really keeps me sane is JustMommies. It is a wonderful website that i go to for support. I never really thought that there was so many women struggling with INFERTILITY!!! It is great to have a safe haven to go to, especially when people in your life do not understand the situation at all!

Our puppy Max is starting to chew stupid cords and everything he can get his mouth on! It is driving me crazy! Well I am off to bed. Hoping tomorrow brings a higher temperature :)

Prayer Of The Day:
**Please allow my womb to receive what it is made to do. Please be with my marriage and allow us to stay strong and in love throughout the process!**

Monday, May 4, 2009

*How Our Story Began*

If you do not know me OR know my story, this blog will be my detailed story of how I am dealing with Infertility at a young age.

On December 29, 2007 I married the man of my dreams. We met a year earlier after each of us came out of a horrible relationship... I left the States for Europe in January of 2007 and returned in May 2007. That month we got engaged and started planning our wedding and life!!

Once we were married, we knew that we wanted to try and have a baby as soon as possible. We at the time wanted at least 5 children and I knew this would probably take a few tries or years to achieve the LARGE family that we wanted. My DH (Matty) is an only child and I have only one sister.. we both come from very small families and thought the idea of having the first large family on both sides would be great!!

Needless to say we never thought that we would know what we know now. In Jan 2008 we started trying to conceive (TTC) right away. After coming off birthcontrol I did not know how long it would take for my periods to become regular. So by Jan 1 2008 we were on Cycle day 1 of our first cycle of trying to achieve pregnancy. When FEB came around... it took forever for my period to show... We thought we were pregnant BUT LOW and BEHOLD Aunt Flo *AF* showed up on FEB 16... it was the longest cycle I had ever had.. :( So the new cycle began only to have the same thing to happen the next month... Finally on April 3 I started my period again... again we thought we were pregnant... but it was not the case... FINALLY during that cycle I had a scheduled Pap Smear and talked with my Doctor about my long cycles.. so he gave me provera to take to start me period IF I indeed did not get a + Pregnancy Test (HPT) by CD 35! CD 35 came and I started my Provera... 10 days of 10mg of it... finally after the last pill i got my period 7 days later!!! The cycle ended in another non pregnancy cycle... and another no show AF!!! :(

This is when my Doctor introduced us to Medical Assistance for trying to achieve pregnancy!!! I was a little scared but Matty thought it would be nice to try!!

So after another 10 days of Provera and a 5 day wait AF showed!! This was my first month with Clomid... which ended in a another BFN!!! So we had a breather cycle on BCP.. i got my period.. and he upped my dosage to 100mg of CLOMID... still not pregnancy!! At this point I was just happy to have a period after going weeks at a time without one!! Finally we did another and final breather cycle of BCP and started 150 mg CLOMID.. this time.. my lining was way too thin and again no pregnancy... this is when my Doctor at the time suggested I have a Laproscopy and Ovarian Drilling!!! During the Lap he found that I had the starting stages of PCOS * Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome* BUT at least I had a diagnosis!! I was to start Metformin immediately!! Metformin is a medicine that helps with PCOS!!

The next cycle was an au natural one.. that ended with me not pregnant and another no show AF!! By this time my doctor had started to order tests on me and DH...

Matty had a semen analysis that was out of this world amazing!! His super sperm he called it!! My tests came back not so great... my FSH and E2 were not where they were suppose to be at my age... my tests proved that I have a poor ovarian reserve.. meaning not alot of little eggs to drop..and along with the starting stages of PCOS this was tragic!!! At this time my Doctor gave me until the age of 26 to have a child.. and suggested we move onto a Reproductive Endocriologist!! Well we searched nationwide to find the right one... and we found him in Indianapolis, IN...!!! So we started our first consult with him and he suggested that we did an IUI *Insemiation in the Uterus* I started all the meds.. only to have too many follies that matured and our cycle switched to an IVF cycle!! He did not charge us for the switch over.. THANK GOD!!!

So we did our IVF Retrieval *unexpected* and got 14 mature follies!! THe next day showed that our 14 follies had dropped to 10 follies that fertlizied... as the days wore on.. each day at least 2-3 follies were not doing well... and i had a 3 day transfer with the last 2 embies left from my retrieval... with none to be put on ICE!! Well with us not acutally doing an IVF we were happy we had 2 left to be put back in on our Transfer date!!! Then the 2 week wait *2WW* began!! IN the end we were not pregnant!!!

The doctor ran more tests and studied our embies that did not make it and showed that I had really bad egg quality.. and along with low egg quanity.. i was crushed!! It was during this time.. i cried myself to sleep each night.. I AM A FULL TIME STUDENT battling infertility at an age i never dreamed I would ever have too!!!!

Finally DECEMBER 2008 came around and me and Matty celebrated our 1st year anniversary alone :( We were not parents... and we had schedule to follow in order to have the baby of our dreams... well this brings me to March 2, 2o09.. the day I started my period on my own... I was suppose to go on BCP until we decided exactly what the next plan of action was going to be... after going through an IUI with injectibes cycle only to be switched to an IVF... we were scared of that happeneing again.. and our pocket books were getting really low!! We had already gone through 75% of our savings just in fertilty expenses... BOO!!! Low and Behold when AF did not show I took a HPT and it was positive!!! I was on cloud 9... my Betas were:
14 DPO: 67
17 DPO: 348

We knew we were pregnant.. well the time came around for us to go in for our first ultrasound... and the TECH could not find a heartbeat or fetal pole.. it was an empty sac... I ended up miscarrying at almost 7 weeks!! :( We were heart broken but we knew that we could do this by ourselves and through GOD anything is possible!!!

So here we are up to date!! I am currently on CD 11 of a medicated cycle..and my temperature chart is crazy but we will see where we are in a couple of days!!

Please remember that this is my journey and not everyone's journey is the same :) Others achieve pregnancy right away with medical treatment and some of us.. it just takes time and prayers!

I have found that it is hard to praise GOD in the storm of my troubles BUT without him I would be lost... GOD gave me Matty a stronghold for me!!!! I am going to stand in the presence of GOD even if I never get pregnant!! I sounds impossible but I could have no egg reserve at all!! Matty could have a problem too!! Things could be a lot worse!!

Prayer For The Day:

**Dear God, Hold you hands and spirit above us. Be with us as we walk down a path that is so hard to handle at times. Be with our marriage and allow us to know that it is through you that makes all things possible!**